I know I’m a few days early, but I had some things on my mind, and needed to get it down before I forgot.

The other day, while packing, and going through which of my belongings to keep for the new place, I found a card. It said “Happy Birthday Grandma”… apparently it was one I meant to give you in a previous year. Inside the card reads:

“Having you as a Grandma
means the world to me.
You are always there to guide
and protect with love.
Please never forget that
everything you do is cherished
and appreciated.

Happy Birthday, Dear Grandma.”


I have absolutely no idea why I never gave you the card. Maybe I gave you one I thought was better, I don’t know. But I wish I had the chance to give it to you now. Mom said I should write all of the things I want to say to you in the card, and then send it in a balloon to you in heaven. Its a romantic idea, but it wouldn’t settle well with me. But I wrote in the card anyway.

I wrote about the first fond memory that popped into my head. I remember when I lived at your house, when my dad was building his house on Arsenal. It was really living there this time. Not just the weekends and breaks from school. My home away from home was my real home, too. I gained a few pounds, to say the least, but I felt more loved than I ever had, in my life, because someone wanted me. You wanted me there. I remember how I learned all of my fairy tale stories, at a much younger age when I would visit you. And by the time I lived there, and was old enough to remember,  when I was in the sixth grade, I had them pretty well versed. But you would tell them to me anyway, and rub my back while I fell asleep. You didn’t care that I had heard you tell them a thousand times, you knew I made you tell them, because you did the voices. :)

I remember the breakfasts you made me in the morning, too. You always poured some milk into an old carafe and ask me if it was a good year…. and make the smiley oranges, all while telling a dirty joke or two. And still to this day, no one makes my cream of wheat lumpy like you.

You were always laughing and smiling. I never thought I’d have to worry about not hearing your laugh… even at your worst point of being sick… the thought never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t make it. And until I found that card, I thought I was doing okay. I guess I just never really accepted that you are gone.

I miss you and love you with my whole heart. I know you know that. And I know you are proud of me. If you hadn’t told me that before you passed, I’d be a complete basket case… more than I already am :) But… I just want you to know, that you are in my heart every step of my life, still being my biggest fan, my greatest supporter and the one person that believed in me.